I Don't Really Miss My Son... {A Mom's Xavier China Experience}

... that much!

R is now halfway through his 6-week cultural and language trip. I don't miss him the way I thought I would. Before he left, I thought I would be inconsolable and in misery. He is my fave son, after all! But it's almost four weeks, and I'm fine - because I know he's fine. 

We don't get to talk to him everyday, or whenever we want. The calls are scheduled down to the last minute. Just twice a week. In between those days, no news is good news.

credits to his team mentor, Mr. Moreno, for all the trip photos

#MomProtect: How To Proactively Protect Our Families Against Diseases

A few weeks ago, I saw some of my favorite moms for lunch at Grind Bistro in Net Park BGC. Like what usually happens when moms get together, the chika is almost non-stop, we talk about everything.

 

l-r: Michelle Lim, ME, Sabrina Go, Janice Villanueva, Mish Aventajado

 Thank you for the photo, Michelle Lim

Mom Talk with Tintin Babao

Different women have different experiences when it comes to being a mom. Even as a stay-at-home mom, you simply can’t be there for your kids all the time. My kids are already 17, 14 and 13, and they’re growing into their own skin. The best I can really do is to guide them and then let go and allow them to turn into their own kind of amazing.

We all went through our own evolution. I’m sure a lot of mom will agree when I say I definitely am not the same person I was when I just started raising my own family. Lifestyles change, preferences change, and priorities change. Right now, my top priority is keeping my family as happy, protected, and healthy as possible.

Now that it’s November, we think it’s the end of the rainy season, but it seems to be so unpredictable nowadays. The past few days we've seen some downpour, and we all know that with rainy season comes a lot of sickness, so keeping my family healthy becomes a bit more challenging.

I’ve shared many stories about my personal experiences as a mom, and I love hearing stories from other moms, too. Which is why I decided to have a quick chat with a mom whom we’ve all seen evolve into the wonderful mom that she is now – Tintin Babao.

from l-r: RJ Dancel, ME, Michelle Lim, Janice Villanueva, Tintin Babao, Lyn Ching

Officially a Teenager

When R was younger, he couldn't keep still. He was always moving, running... anything but stay still. He would often tire his dad out. His dad would have to physically restrain him just so he would stop running.

Even when he was in grade school, ang hirap pa din nya talagang kunan ng picture. It has to be a candid shot, a setting where he is allowed to move freely, otherwise I couldn't get a decent photo.

How I Enjoy My Teen Girls

I already wrote about it before... I love having teenagers! I really, really love this season of my life. I like the way my relationship with my kids have evolved throughout the years. I am able to develop the love, trust and transparency in our relationship. The older my kids become, the more I like being with them.

But I know there are parents who consider the teen years to be scary, and it truly is a lot of hard work. Our teens are learning to deal with their hormones which makes our relationship with them characterized by so much deep emotions.

For now, I have two teenagers, my youngest son will still turn 13 late this year.

G-League National Champs 2017

Done with the 2017 PhilSwim National Long Course Swimming Championship!

We spent three days cheering for my fave son at the Trace Aquatic Sports Complex from June 2-4, 2017. It's my son's first time to qualify for a meet that had him swim the preliminaries in the morning and if the swimmers are in the top 8, they do a swim-off again late afternoon. It's a swim-off of the best swimmers in each category.

He was awarded the Top FINA Points Achiever for his age group. 

I don't really understand it that well, but my son says it is the swimming counterpart of being MVP.

Of Sons and Daughters

Sons don't really talk much, ano?

Unlike my messages with my girls na full of chismis, my fave son is concise, "gonna shower na" - which is really his way of saying "I'm done training. Please pick me up."

How To Connect With Our Teens On Social Media

I remember how it was like when I was a teenager, and how the home phone was crucial to staying in touch with my friends. During that time, we only have one home phone and there were 5 of us siblings. We had to practice restraint and courtesy by taking turns with the phone.

Unlike me as a teenager, my kids have wifi and a plethora of gadgets that allow them to be socially connected all the time. And they don't even have to concern themselves with taking turns because their gadgets are exclusive to them.

I have a 16 year old daughter, a 13 year old daughter, and a 12 year old son.

Musings of the Teenage Mind

(I wrote this post two weeks ago, but forgot to publish)


My daughter came to my room just a few minutes ago. We just had dinner and she was going to start writing her article for her school paper, of which she is the sports writer.

She plopped herself on my bed, and goes, "Ma, I have kwento for you. I forgot to tell you earlier..." 

I interrupted her, "Wait! Is this good news or bad news?" 

She thought about it, "Uhmm, it's just kwento, but it's kilig." 

Uuyyy! Now she has my attention! 

I sat upright, "ok, go tell me about it!" 

But she hesitated, "ah I'll kwento later na, mga 10pm when I'm done studying para full effect." 

FINE.

My Motherhood Journey + EXPO Mom 2016

As women, we need outlets to express ourselves - to vent our frustrations, encourage us during our struggles and share our elation. Our mom friends understand us. There is a common connection that can only come from someone who understands exactly what we are going through.

My mommy friends are my constant understanding ear as I tackle the hardest and most rewarding job of my life. I always enjoy spending time with them because we always end up laughing about how we are going through the same things. It's so much comforting to vent with someone who understands almost exactly what I'm going through.

I don't even meet up with them that often. Most of the time our interaction is online, we just chat on FBC or though our viber group. We understand that motherhood is our priority and it takes up a big chunk of our time.

How To Help Our Li'l Ones With Their Big Worries

Just less than a month ago, my youngest, R, graduated from grade school. How can that be, right? It wasn’t that long ago when I first brought him to his nursery classroom, where his teacher assured me that he’d be OK on her watch.

When it was his first day of first grade, I couldn’t rest easy (even if he was my third kid to be going to grade school.) How could I, knowing that he was now sharing the cafeteria, field, toilet, hallways —with the big boys? Where big (and bad) words (particularly starting with the letter “F”) can be heard and are used so often!!

This is such a lovely reminder of how fast our kids grow. Look at the difference 2 years make! 

May binata na ako! OMG!

15 Reasons Why I Love Parenting A Teen

It was a Saturday night a few months ago, and my two younger kids were on a sleepover with their cousins at my parents' house, C was out celebrating a friend’s birthday and wouldn’t be home until late at night. It was just me and my 15-year old daughter. We had just come home from attending a thanksgiving dinner, and she wanted to watch Mean Girls together. And so even if I’ve seen it so many years ago, I forced myself to watch it again with her. So there we were, laughing together at all the funny parts and agreeing how “uncool” and “pa-cool” the mom of Regina George was.

It was at this moment, when we were laughing at the same things, that I realized… I absolutely adore having a teen!!! I love, love, love parenting a teen! I have never really been a “baby person.” I find infants too needy… they need help with everything? Personally, the older my kids become, the more I like being with them. Ooops! Did that come out bad? But it’s true! Hahaha!

Life has grown to that bittersweet moment when the oldest one (me!) has the smallest shoe size!

My Not So Li'l Man

"Why do you always think of me as a rabbit being chased by a zebra? 

You should think of me as a jaguar being chased by a turtle."

-words of wisdom from my newly minted 11 year old 

He prefers to be likened to a jaguar... not a rabbit! Teehee!

My son expressed his frustration as I expressed my concern that I don't see him studying enough. He insists he's on top of everything daw. Sometimes I keep on forgetting that my youngest son is already a pre-teen whose parental leash needs to be loosened... a bit!

What My Daughter Wore.... From My Closet.

Just a few weekends ago, my 15-year-old daughter goes in my walk-in closet and emerges a few minutes later with one of my clothes.  She holds up my chambray button-down and asks, " Can I borrow this today?" She borrows it often enough that I haven't had the chance to wear it anymore.

My daughter loves clothes, and I've written about her love for it and some of her (misplaced) body image issues here.  She gets to indulge her sartorial choices on weekends; and this is when she shifts through her closet, and occasionally mine, as she chooses what to wear.

She went clothes-shopping for this dress without me, but I am so thrilled that she asked for my opinion via text before actually deciding on purchasing this one. 

Counterflow Conference 2015: Return of the Superdad, the Rise of the Supermom and Raising Superkids

Two years ago, my husband and I attended the first Counterflow Parenting Conference hosted by CCF. We always learn a lot whenever we listen to Pastor Peter speak about biblical parenting. The lessons we learned that day are still fresh in our hearts and minds to this day, and have guided us in our parenting journey.

Counterflow Parenting Conference is the biggest parenting event in the Philippines that aims to bring together parents towards a goal of raising successful kids in today’s world. On its third year, this movement aims to change a rise in a generation of young people who have a misguided moral compass and is misled by other social factors. There are no existing courses or classes that teaches how to raise healthy families. This conference responds to the need of equipping parents in leading and bringing up successful kids. It gives a fresh perspective on the basics of parenthood that is biblically based. 

This year’s conference is all about doing a powering up and doing a full blown boost to strengthen and raise your own super kids!  Resource speakers include international speaker Cassie Carsten, President of International Sport Leadership School and Doctor Peter Tan-chi of Christ Commission Fellowship. This whole day event will include over 20 workshops that participants can choose from based on their parenting needs.

 

Ways To Wear Breton Stripes ... And of Birthdays & Biblical Beauty

I noticed that my J's wardrobe lately has been full of basic and androgynous shoes.  Oxfords in brown, black and tan.  Converse sneakers in white, black and charcoal. Those shoes  and Breton shirts, denim cut-offs, skater skirts and origami skorts. Those are her weekend staples.

Her dressing style is casual, simple and practical.  And most of all, NOT skimpy!  Her choice of clothing still has enough fabric to cover ALL the essentials. I am sure for most parents, that makes the perfect style & fashion sense of all!!!

She has also grown so tall over the past year, that she towers over me now.  I am happy that she can now raid my closet... and vice versa!  In the photo below, she wears my brown gingham Max Mara skirt, vintage circa early 1990's, when I was still a Makati banker.  Eeep!  Close to 2 decades na, my age is showing! hahaha! But take that out of the way, for I consider it an honor of the highest order when my teenager rummages through my wardrobe for something that she could borrow.

My Blessings Roll Call

Did you even realize that we've been two months into the school year? Half a year has gone by, just like that! Half the year is done, and there's a long list of things to be thankful for.

Do you often pause to say thanks for what you have in life? Having my husband and kids safely home at night is one of the top things I am thankful for.  I feel blessed that the kids are doing well, and that they have not given me any heartaches - yet.:)  I am happy with their accomplishments, even if I know that there are kids who are more sociable, students who are smarter, athletes who are better. I am content and extremely grateful for everything that they are right now.

I do not want to be the kind of parent who is in a contest with every other parent for their kid to be the best there is. We try to model to our kids to have a contented and grateful heart; it's difficult, but we try.  It's not an easy job because it's human nature to want what other people have. We always remind the kids, and ourselves also, that a covetous heart will never be content and happy. When something great happens to someone, it doesn't take away anything from  us, di ba?  It should even serve as an inspiration.

I just remind my kids to always give their best effort in everything they do, and surely this commitment will enable them to grow daily in God-confidence.  On our part as parents, we continuously pray that God reveal to us what their gifts are and where their talents lie so we can encourage, develop and nurture them in that direction.  

Anyway, this is the part where I warn you that this post serves as my blessings roll call. Teeheehee! I want my kids to still be able to look back a few years from now, and read how proud I am of their accomplishments - no matter how big or small. Pagbigyan nyo na ako!:) If you can't stand maternal gushing, then read no further.:)

#1
My oldest won a class office election for the third year in a row.  I am so proud of her for being able to manage her time wisely juggling her swim training, maintaining her honor roll standings, and class officer duties. There are days that she seems so overwhelmed by the responsibility all of it requires.  But we encourage her by telling her, this is all good training ground for when she goes off to college.  She wants to study abroad for college, so we tell her that learning to manage her time efficiently is one of the few things she will need most when that time comes.  Shempre, I told her, should she still be interested to study aborad when the time comes, she better be prepared to work part-time to earn her allowance ano - dahil madugo ang tuition.

When she was younger, we can already see how she appealed to a broad range of her classmates, even those outside of her close group of friends. I am saying this not because she is my daughter, but I found that one of her endearing traits as a friend is how she is approachable and inclusive to everyone.  She sincerely tries to make everyone feel welcome in her presence and tries to not exclude anyone.

The first time she ran for class office, she was worried because she ran against someone whom she qualified as a "born leader."  But her dad assured her that being opinionated, articulate and an extrovert doesn't really equate to good leadership qualities. He encouraged her by saying that sometimes all it takes to be a good leader is to have a heart that is principled and a willingness to serve.  True enough, she won the election with over half of the class voting for her.  That same year, she was even among the chosen few to represent her school in a youth leadership camp called EDSOR.

Being a typical teenager, she often has spells of uncertainty about her future. What clubs to join, what course to take, what university to go into. When that happens, C always encourages her to develop a closer walk with the Lord for it is in fully understanding God, that she will start to fully understand what God wants her to be. This is the verse that C always shares with her, Romans 8:28.

#2
For my middle child, I am happy that she got invited to 2 gifted clubs this year, Science and Writing. She was in a dilemma on what club to accept, since aside from the invitation from Science and Writing, she also wanted to get in the Cooking Club. Long story short, I told her to accept the invitation from Science and I promised to do a baking session with her twice a month.

I was already so happy when she got the invitation from the Science and Writing Club, but she surprised me even more when she announced last week that she won the election as Science Club President! Woot! Woot!

Of all my kids, it is my middle child B who often makes an impression on anyone, be they family members or strangers. She is naturally sociable and chatty, and can really tirelessly talk non-stop - about everything!

She is passionate about everything; and so when she is sweet, she is very sweet; when she is willful, well, she is a tempest.:) Of course, as she is growing up, we teach her how to temper her willful individuality. Buti naman it seems to be working.

#3
I am happy to share with you that my youngest and favorite son (but only because he is my only son) has tried out for the school varsity and has been accepted as one of its training members! Woohoo! We've waited for the results for close to a month, and each time I pick him up from school, he would ask me, "Did I get in the varsity?" Now I can finally answer him with a "YES!"

He has certainly seen the advantage of what determination and focus on a task can bring him, in terms of his academics and athletics. But there are occasional times, when he still asks me, "What if I can't?"  And I assure him, "God promises... YOU can do ALL things through Christ. Why will you put a limit to what God can do in your life?"  He keeps silent, but now I know he believes in that promise.  BELIEVE it to ACHIEVE it.

Di Ba?

Being a full-time home-maker, it cannot be avoided - although I am not proud of it, I take my kids' achievements as a gauge on how well I am doing at this motherhood thing.  I know my husband doesn't rate my motherhood skills that way, but I shamefully do. Tsk!

If he notices that I am being quite pushy with the kids, he reminds me to take a step back with Proverbs 21:31 The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but victory rests with the LORD.  Short of saying, if God doesn't will it, wala din mangyayari. Truly, as parents we can just do our best to prepare our kids — and then trust God to bring success to their lives, in His time.

Cheers! :)

FOLLOW ME!   

   

You can do ALL things.... {How Swimming and Philippians Taught My Son Courage}

I took the kids to another competition last Sunday.  It was a competition like the others that they previously joined, but R was feeling anxious about it.  I could sense his usual fretfulness a few days before the meet.  He would ask me details about his swim events day after day.  "What are my events?  How many meters? How many laps do I have to swim? Do I have any relay events? Why do I have to join pa? Who else is joining ba?"  All sort of questions are running inside his disquieted mind.  

Go, Team Ong!!!

"Why do I have to join the competition?  Baka I am going to be last..." As a mom, it affects me to see him plagued with these thoughts.  I know I have to help him overcome and conquer his feelings of self-doubt. And everytime I feel that he is starting to doubt himself, I always set him aside for some pep talk.  When he starts saying "I cannot..."  I do not let him finish his sentence and I cheerfully cut him short,"Oh! But yes you can!  What does the Bible say if you feel like you are not strong enough to do it?  Remember:  YOU can do ALL things THROUGH CHRIST who strengthens YOU."

I always say the same thing, the words are not always exactly the same, but the idea is. And I keep on repeating the same verse again and again and again... for more than two years now  Most times even upto the day of the meet itself.  "God said you can do ALL things... not some things, so do not limit yourself.  If you train hard everyday and you do your best for God, the gold medal is within your reach."  And I say that to him everyday, as soon as I sense his competition anxiety starts kicking in.

In the photo below, that is R from a swim meet exactly 2 years ago.  You can see worry written all over his face, and that is already after he has finished his event and just waiting for his heat-mates to finish theirs. 

Here he is after swimming the  50-meter breaststroke (2012)

He did not particularly like swimming at that time.  He tried basketball, soccer and badminton; but he did not seem to be fond of those, too.  Just last June 2013, he asked me if he could stop swim training.  And I said he could if he was able to give a sport that he'd like to move on to.  And I told him that in the meantime while he was thinking of another sport to get in to, just give his best everyday during swim training. 

He usually feels most anxious in the days leading upto a meet.  And I have gotten used to it, and actually consider myself pretty much improved at giving him encouraging talks.  

Encouraging my son meant to give him courage to face his fear.  I remember the first time he jumped off from the diving block during his first ever competition.  To be on the diving block alone is quite intimidating, jumping into the water from the height of the diving block is actually scary.  Add to that, he was also terrified to be doing it in front of everyone else.  But I also know that I had to help him act in spite of his fear. AND that is the very definition of courage:  Acting even when you are afraid.  Because courage is not the ABSENCE of fear, it is ACTING in spite of the fear.

Soon after, jumping off from the diving block did not bother him as much anymore.  But when I say it does not bother him, it just means that he doesn't verbalize his uneasiness that much anymore.  As his mom and because I know him so well, I can see a little bit of apprehension in the way he moves and acts before he gets on the diving block during a meet.  But it makes me so proud that we were able to do something about how he handled his fear there.

But as soon as we got over that, another fear came up, "I am scared of swimming the 50-meter butterfly.  What if I get too tired and I cannot finish it?"  Again, I give him the same verse, "YOU can do ALL things THROUGH CHRIST who strengthens YOU.  Remember YOU WILL FINISH the event and YOU WILL NOT get tired, because who gives you strength?"  And he answers dutifully, "Jesus."

To be truthful, I was thinking that the reason why he didn't enjoy swimming that much was that he wasn't that good at it yet; always being in middle of the rankings. But I know he is a work in progress, and so I did not tire from encouraging him day after day... after day after day.  But a few of my swim-moms know that I also have days when I feel like I don't know what I am doing and feel the frustration set in.  But I quickly get out of that mindset, always remembering that in as much as I want my kids to give their best, my heavenly Father also requires the same from me in terms of being a parent to my kids.

And so last Sunday, just before he went down to the ready bench for his first event, I took him aside and whispered, "You can do it, R! Remember, God promised in the Bible, YOU can do ALL things... ALL things remember that!" And my husband and I watched in anticipation each time he climbs up the diving block up until he touches the wall for all of his events.

He finished the meet with 4 medals for his individual events and some more medals for his relay events!!! He finally got hold of that gold medal for the 50-meter breaststroke!  

He won a gold in 50-meter breaststroke, silver in 50-meter butterfly, bronze in 50-meter backstroke, bronze in 50-meter freestyle, silver for the 4x50 butterfly, silver for the 4x50 breaststroke.  YAY!

Indulge me for being the proud mommy as I bask in helping him overcome a major roadblock in his life.  I traveled this path filled with anxiety and self-doubt with him.  I thank God for hearing my prayers, and that R found favor with Him.  It's really not about the medals, but they are the tangible representations of what I have been patiently teaching him all these years.  

The elusive gold medal finally!

He is so overjoyed!!!  Up until last night, right before he went to bed, he came up to me with a smile, "Mom, I still can't believe I won a gold medal!" This is coming from a boy who just more than six months ago wanted to quit the sport already because he felt he wasn't good enough.  And of course, I couldn't resist bringing up OUR favorite verse:  "YOU can do ALL things THROUGH CHRIST who strengthens YOU.  I keep on telling you that. Now, do you finally believe Mom?" He nodded as I hugged him close to me. 

FOLLOW ME!   

   

SoMoms #BetterMe Sessions: How To Develop Your Child's Self-Esteem

How much do we contribute to our children's self-esteem?

According to life coach, Pia Nazareno of  The One Core, parents have a lot to do regarding their kids' own level of self-esteem.

A healthy self-esteem is the most important thing we can give to our children. Coach Pia mentioned that the foundations for a positive self-esteem starts early on in a person's life, and is dependent on the care and nurture that we give our children.

But first, what is self-esteem anyway? Self-esteem is the way a person feels about himself, and it can determine success, attitude and ambition. Simply because a person with high self-esteem can face challenges without feeling overwhelmed because parents have helped them develop resilience and persistence.

But even for parents like me whose kids are already grown (teens, grade-schoolers) it is still not too late put into effect these best-practice guidelines to continue to develop self-esteem in children.

Counterflow: Raising Successful Kids In Today's World

Have you often wondered if you are doing things right, as far as parenting your kid is concerned?  I always have that question at the back of my mind.  No, I actually have a LOT of questions in my head!

The Bible is the greatest greatest resource/book to read on the topic of parenting; with documented examples on how God has been generous with his provision and grace for all His children; how He has been our deliverer, source of strength and stronghold in times of trouble; how He forgives us every time we ask for forgiveness, and how our redemption is made complete because His forgiveness of our sins is not dependent on how sorry we are but on His never-ending mercy and love.

If you want your parenting questions answered, attend Counterfow! Counterflow is a 1-day parenting conference (8am-5pm) to be held on Saturday, Nov. 30, 2013 at the CCF Center Main Auditorium, Frontera Verde, Ortigas Avenue corner C5 Road, Pasig City

 

Although I have attended several parenting seminars in the past, I am looking forward to this one because two of the persons I admire will be speaking.